That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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