haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
