More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
