i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
