He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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