I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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