Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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