Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
