I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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