I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize