I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
