weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
