another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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