She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
