who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
