It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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