it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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