Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
