I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
