There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
