I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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