I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
