Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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