HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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