god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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