I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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