best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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