she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
