I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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