Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
