I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.