There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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