just come out here and I will go home with you...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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