I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
