His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
