We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
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Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
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As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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