Small penises have feelings too.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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