they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
