i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
