I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
