One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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