By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
