The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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