is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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