Nicole vs. Life
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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