Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
