She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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