That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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