I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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