if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
