I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize