Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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