This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
