Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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