i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
