my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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