i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
