how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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