I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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