Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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