I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
