I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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