You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
