I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
