Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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