Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
